byronstarr

Fellow bibliophiles eat your hearts out 2

2008-07-05T07:28:57Z

Still ransacking grandmaw's bookshelves. I've found a first edition Hemingway and a first edition Steinbeck.

Fellow bibliophiles eat your hearts out

2008-07-03T16:35:36Z

I just inherited a set of 1954 encyclopedias, in mint condition, along with the accompanying yearbooks from 1962 to 1968.

The CGP table at Fencon

2008-06-30T10:48:22Z

Well, after a rather awkward and embarrassing start (don't ask), it looks as if I will be running a table for Creative Guy Publishing at Fencon in Dallas. The form has been filled out; all it needs is an envelope and a stamp. I'll be sharing the table with Gabrielle Faust. I'm excited about that - two years in HWA and I finally get know another member. It'll be an odd table, since she's really an honest-to-god horror writer and I'm, well, a horror writer who wrote a book about an evil Santa Claus. Not to mention the other books at CGP - they're all odd too (That's why I love Pete).

Dialog

2008-06-19T19:15:46Z

A long time ago I was given an odd bit of writing advice by way of a rejection letter. We’ve all heard the suggestion that a story should be shortened, but this editor went into a little more detail, suggesting that dialog should only be used to relay information that is relevant to the story’s plot. I disagree. Dialog is best used to build and develop characters; narration is the best method for conveying the plot. My opinion, anyway.

However, the best dialog fulfils both requirements. And I’ve found the best example of this in the strangest place. Not in a book, mind you. Oh, there are several fine examples out there, but this one really sings and it’s in a western. And it’s so obvious that you’ll miss it and just enjoy the story unless you’re looking for it. Next time the late (, late, late) show happens to be The Outlaw Josey Wales go ahead and watch it. Pay particular attention to the dialog between Clint Eastwood and Dan George (he’s the old Cherokee who tags along), especially early in the movie. (They're both very underrated actors, by the way; I’m a huge John Wayne fan, but I must grudgingly admit that Clint is/was the better actor. And most people haven’t even heard of Chief Dan George) The dialog is outstanding – often brief, but it gives great insight into the characters while shedding light on the plot.

Ps. Why is it that while I’m writing like a freaking whirlwind I end up posting about family, speeches, the price of gas, some guy who wanted to kill all the Walmart execs, getting caught sleeping with a teddy bear, etc, but I go a full week without so much as rapping a single key on my writing computer and I pop in to post something about writing? Guilt, maybe?

WWJWD

2008-06-12T02:47:06Z

What Would John Wayne Do?

"A Game of Thrones" - George R. R. Martin

2008-06-09T16:42:10Z

I think it was Gerald Brennan who suggested this one. When I first tried to read it, I really misjudged the book. The writing was excellent, but when it started off with a bunch of children all getting pet wolves the size of horses I thought the book was going to turn into light fantasy - you know, like a bunch of children mounted on wolves chasing a witch on a broomstick. I set the book down and didn't get really start on it until a couple days ago. Now I can't put the thing down. It's awesome. This guy can really write. He has truly perfected the fine and rare art of climaxing every chapter. Seriously, every chapter reaches a conclusion that leaves you on the edge of your seat, begging for more. And, no, there is no witch on a broomstick. This is serious, heavy, often dark fantasy.

Unfaithful

2008-06-07T22:04:20Z

Shelly and I went to Gilmer for the weekend to stay with Chris and Mona Philips, old friends of ours. As usual, Chris and I filled up the ice chest and took off, not coming back until 4 in the morning, drunk as hell. When we got back Shelly and Mona had wisely put a mattress in their little girl's playroom so I wouldn't stumble in and wake up the baby. So I had my pillow, a mattress, and a blanket, but I apparently I need one more thing. I grabbed this monsterous stuffed teddy bear - you know, like the ones you get for top prize at a carnival - and curled up with it. The next morning I woke up to the sound of laughter. My wife was in the doorway, laughing her ass off and there I was sprawled out on the mattress, wrapped up with this huge teddy bear. I looked at her, I looked at the bear, then turned back to her and said, "It's not what you think."

Discovery launched for critical plumbing mission

2008-06-01T14:42:15Z

The Shuttle Discovery was launched today to deliver parts to repair a toilet on a Japanese space station. The toilet has been malfunctioning for 7 months now.

Oh My God!

Can you imagine being on a tiny space station for 7 months with the toilet malfunctioning! What have they been doing, crapping out the window? This is a mission of mercy if I've ever heard one.

name help

2008-05-29T04:09:02Z

I'm working on Santa's Revenge (Santa's Wrath Part II). There's a bit part where three thugs have a striking resemblance to the three stooges, but I can't come up with suitable names. Actually I have two names, but I need the third.

real stooges - Larry, Moe, and Curly.
my stooges - Gary, Joe, and _____

Any ideas for a name that rhymes with Curly?

Latest Abbyism

2008-05-23T01:08:56Z

Abby and I were playing Dog Island and our puppy, Missy, got attacked by a buffalo. She gasped and said, "What was that?" I said, "A mean buffalo." A few more wags down the trail Abby saw another buffalo and said, "Look out Missy, it's a meat-ba-loaf-alo."

"Ace Hawkins and the Wrath of Santa Claus" open for preorder

2008-05-16T16:45:58Z

My first novel is ready for preorder.

http://www.creativeguypublishing.com/

Be sure and check it out. There's a special drawing for those who preorder. Three winners will be drawn to receive their choice of one of the original drawings by Bret Jordan, signed and framed. There's also free shipping and a wet, sloppy kiss. See the above link for details.

I also have a poll set up on my site to vote for their favorite of the 11 illustrations by Bret Jordan (all of which will be in the novel). Most of these will be available for the three winners of the drawing to choose from (I'm keeping three of them).

http://www.byronstarr.com/

ps. you click on "Contest Poll" to pick you favorite picture. The pictures there are kind of small, though. If you want a better look at them, go to bibliography, go down to "Coming Soon" and click on the icon before the title of the book.

Experimenting with Drugs

2008-05-14T16:28:00Z

I'm stoned. Here's why -

I've got another speech this Saturday and I'm going to try to do it without reading my speech straight from the paper - notes only. Soooo in order to relax enough to get in front of a bunch of people and talk, I'm trying to find something I can take to calm me down without konking me out. Today's expertiment - Xanax.

Result thus far - well, I'm calm as hell. But I don't know if I can give a speech. About thirty minutes ago my aunt asked how I was doing and I replied by reciting the intro to one of the most famous speeches of all time. Sort of. Here's what I said word for word, "Two, Four and Sceven years ago . . . no, wait . . . oh, shit. This ain't good."

Yep, I'm stoned.

Next Experiment - The pharmacist told me I should try a Beta blocker instead. Not sure what that is. Apparently Betas are a bad thing. Alphas and Gammas are cool, Deltas and Omegas are okay, but Betas are a no-no. That's for tomorrow - we'll so how it works.

Supply and Demand

2008-05-13T20:42:41Z

This just in -
Thousands decide to stop running air conditioners in their cars in order to save fuel.

In a related story -
The price of deodorant has doubled.

Story sold to "From the Asylum"

2008-05-12T01:51:55Z

I just sold a story to From the Asylum.

I almost screwed up and sold the same story twice (again). A couple months ago Kevin Donihe read "Perfect Death", I was a little late to get into Bare Bone #11, but he said he would be interested in the story for Bare Bone #12. Thank God he hasn't opened #12 for submissions or I'd have to pull it. I've got to get organized. Kevin usually doesn't take reprints, but I'm going to see if he'll make an exception for "Hell Raisin". If he agrees to look at the story it'll be a win-win situation for me. If he accepts the story, I can chalk up another publication. If he doesn't I can finally lay my love-hate relationship with that story to rest with it's first rejection.

Go, Pete Go!

2008-05-10T16:14:16Z

I was just complaining to my wife about how many coals I have in the fire and it dawned on me that's I ain't got diddly squat going on campared to drpearce. He's working on getting our new magazine, "Tales of Moreauvia", from the printer, then he has to get them out to subscribers. He's working on getting "Ace Hawkins and The Wrath of Santa Claus" (my novel) out for preorder. He's also working on getting the sequel to ajjones's "Temple of the Cod" out for preorder as well. He's also working on getting some book about cancer out (and I thought my book on the shuttle disaster was depressing). Then he'll have to start working on getting the two preorder books out in print. He's still got to finish his part of a book we're cowriting. He's got to revamp the entire CGP. On top of this he has a day job and somewhere between the cracks he has to have some semblance of a life - I'm wondering if he takes a break to go to the bathroom or if he wears an adult diaper while sitting at the computer.

Stupid News Stories

2008-04-28T04:18:56Z

What the media considers news cracks me up. During my month of sobriety I needed a hobby, so I started writing down the stupidest international stories I saw on TV. Keep in mind, these are off HNN/CNN, not the internet.

Goats bring joy to nursing home
The lonesome shoe
Six-year old left on bus
Building a Lego ballpark
Man says doctor told him to wear skirt for rash
Dog takes out garbage
Man sells fake crack to the elderly
Butter knife stuck in boy's head
Drinking game charges for sitter
Dancing with oranges
G-string backlash
Armed pizza delivery man suspended
Balloons swept away priest
Cop ticketed by citizen
Blind man fights off intruder
Hollywood bear kills man
127 hairy men take part in international beard contest
8 foot gator in woman's home
Teen uses billboard to ask date to prom

Pictures of Baby J

2008-04-25T22:36:41Z

Damn it's been a busy week. I finally got around to getting the baby pictures to Bret, and he put them on my website - www.byronstarr.com

Edit:

whoops, here they are:

http://www.byronstarr.com/pics_20080425.htm

bad speeches, shark attacks, and idiot firemen

2008-04-25T20:10:25Z

I was watching the news at lunch and all of these experts were talking about the shark attack out in Cali. At one point the assistant fire chief steps up to the mike. They're on a sunny beach responding to a shark attack and this slope-headed, slack-jawed dude is wearing his full bunker gear, complete with his firehat. I look over at my wife and said, "Isn't that nice, the local Walmart greeter also serves as their assistant fire chief." The guy took a piece of paper out of his fifty pound, fire-resistant coat and proceeded to read the the minutes of the call in dull monotone.

Sad thing is, put me in a firefighter's suit and that exactly how my speech turned out two days ago. Maybe I was still nervous about the new baby, but I didn't do worth a crap. It was so bad that when I finished, I actually apologized to the audience.

It was probably no coincidence that I only sold one book.

Duma Key - pony-trap???

2008-04-20T23:03:59Z

While waiting on J (we got at the hospital at about 5 o'clock Friday; she didn't have the baby until 12:30 Friday afternoon) I finally finished reading Stephen King's Duma Key. It was great.

One question, though. What in the blue blazes in a pony-trap? I've got this cartoony mental picture of a beartrap painted pink, but I doubt that's it.

It's a boy!

2008-04-20T12:36:15Z

John Byron Starr IV
7 pounds, 9 ounces. 18 3/4 inchs.

He's actually a pretty little baby. And this comes from someone who thinks babies and infants are cute, but newborns inevitably look like Winston Churchill. Of course, I am biased.

Still not sure what we're going to call him. Shelly wants Jay. I want J (different spelling or lack thereof). My hardheaded father insists on John. And a nurse nicknamed him Buddy and that stuck for a while. I'm threatening to do like Homer Simpson and call him "the boy".

I'm going to have some pictures set up on my website soon. I'll post again when they're up.

Indiana Jones me

2008-04-17T12:28:41Z

I'm writing Santa's Wrath 2 (real title - Ace Hawkins and Santa's Revenge). In chapter one I've got an Indiana Jones cameo. As per Pete's advise, I'm using the Name Illinois Smith to a avoid copyright trouble (I wanted to call him "Indy" and "Dr Jones" without ever actually using Indiana Jones, but Pete figured that was still too close). He's over 100 years old and retired to house in the Upper Amazon (there's a reason for this, btw). Any ideas to make his character complete? Any minor details that I could bring out on his personality. I've got the hat and the whip hung on the wall (of course), but I need some minor quirks and details to really bring him to life.

Wii leads to child abuse

2008-04-17T01:21:33Z

Abby loves to watch me play Wii. She sits there and cheers for my team (or the other team; it depends on who's winning). Anyway, we warned her to stay back when I was playing Wii. There I was, up to bat, and my daughter darts in front of me. I don't see her. I swing.

Thwack!

Right in the back of the head. Actually, I just clipped the top of her head, but it scared the hell out of her. She howled and yelled, then when she finally calmed down she insisted I put the game away. I did.

It gets worse.

I have this strange habit of sitting with one foot perched in the chair beside me - I'm weird, okay. anyway, right after the Wii accident, I go to sit down, she goes to dive into my lap, I raise my knee to put my foot in the chair.

Thwack!

She takes a knee to the jaw. I really beaned her this time, but, oddly enough, she only looked at me all startled like. I hugged her and told her I was sorry, that it was an accident. Poor thing, she's really had a rough afternoon.

And to think, in less than a week I'm going to have another kid!

Wii & baby update

2008-04-13T00:15:23Z

No baby as yet. It's been 13 days and 22 hours since my last beer. Boredom has driven me to play my Wii for hours on end every day. I'm sore, but I figure a couple more weeks of this and I'll look like the above userpic.

Why I hate my most Successful Short Story

2008-04-07T17:43:41Z

It all started back in 1999, when I showed my first two serious short stories (Roadkill and Grandma’s House) to a group of friends. Beer was flowing, so everyone was impressed - with the exception of one cool-but-ditsy blonde wife of a friend of mine. She said, “I don’t know. I mean, they’re good and all, but, like, I was expecting something wilder from you. You know, you’re so crazy and all, so I figured the stories would be all crazy and stuff.” Somewhat miffed and terribly drunk, I drove home then proceeded to come up with the craziest plot I could think of and set into a story. It was a tale about an asshole lawyer getting eaten by a raisin; I called it “Hell Raisin” not only in reference to the maneating raisin, but also as a hidden-meaning-tribute to the hell raising I was doing while writing the story. I drove back to the party and presented my story. Everyone loved it . . . they all said it was their favorite of the three . . . that blew my mind - it was a joke, damn it! They were supposed to like the other two and just laugh at the freaking man-eating raisin story.

I chalked it up to my redneck brethren’s lack of taste and shelved the story indefinitely. Then I started my submitting my two serious stories. They were rejected left and right. (btw, Roadkill was eventually a success. It found a paying market in England at Dark Angel Rising, my first overseas sale. On the other hand, Grandma’s House was eventually retired without publication.) My friends occasionally asked how the stories were going and when I told them about the lack of success they inevitably asked about Hell Raisin. I kept telling them that the story was a joke, it wasn’t meant for publication. Finally they talked me into submitting it; I sent it to G.C. Magazine in Dallas. The damn thing was accepted on its first submission. In fact, it was my first publication . . . and a paying market at that.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was tickled pink to have my first sale. I was just ticked off about the fact that the two stories that I had painstakingly hammered out – deep plots, chilling tales, etc – had been one-upped by a joke that I had written on the fly!

It didn’t stop there. Hell Raisin has been reprinted more times that any other story. In fact, the damn thing has never been rejected (granted, I’ve never been sent to any hard markets, since I really don’t think it’s a very solid story – it’s just catchy, I guess). The real annoying part of this is that dozens of stories later several of my local friends still ask about that one story about a freaking raisin eating a lawyer.

I’ve been tempted to write a follow-up story called “Hell Toupee” about a toupee eating a bald man but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m not sure if I’m afraid it will, or if I’m afraid it won’t, be as popular as “Hell Raisin”.

Wii

2008-04-04T02:22:59Z

I told my wife I wanted a Wii for my birthday, figuring I wouldn't get it since we're so short of fundage and have a baby on the way. However, a Wii is exactly what I got. I played it all afternoon - my arms are killing me. I wonder what my dad would say if I called in sick tomorrow because my arms were sore from playing games? Unless memory fails me, this is the first game system I've own since the 80s. Anyone remember Intelivision?

(btw, I'm 5 days and 1 hour dry. haha)