I've got another speech this Saturday and I'm going to try to do it without reading my speech straight from the paper - notes only. Soooo in order to relax enough to get in front of a bunch of people and talk, I'm trying to find something I can take to calm me down without konking me out. Today's expertiment - Xanax.
Result thus far - well, I'm calm as hell. But I don't know if I can give a speech. About thirty minutes ago my aunt asked how I was doing and I replied by reciting the intro to one of the most famous speeches of all time. Sort of. Here's what I said word for word, "Two, Four and Scevenyears ago . . . no, wait . . . oh, shit. This ain't good."
Yep, I'm stoned.
Next Experiment - The pharmacist told me I should try a Beta blocker instead. Not sure what that is. Apparently Betas are a bad thing. Alphas and Gammas are cool, Deltas and Omegas are okay, but Betas are a no-no. That's for tomorrow - we'll so how it works.
Current Location:La-La Land Current Mood: blank Current Music: I think so . . .
I almost screwed up and sold the same story twice (again). A couple months ago Kevin Donihe read "Perfect Death", I was a little late to get into Bare Bone #11, but he said he would be interested in the story for Bare Bone #12. Thank God he hasn't opened #12 for submissions or I'd have to pull it. I've got to get organized. Kevin usually doesn't take reprints, but I'm going to see if he'll make an exception for "Hell Raisin". If he agrees to look at the story it'll be a win-win situation for me. If he accepts the story, I can chalk up another publication. If he doesn't I can finally lay my love-hate relationship with that story to rest with it's first rejection.
I was just complaining to my wife about how many coals I have in the fire and it dawned on me that's I ain't got diddly squat going on campared to drpearce. He's working on getting our new magazine, "Tales of Moreauvia", from the printer, then he has to get them out to subscribers. He's working on getting "Ace Hawkins and The Wrath of Santa Claus" (my novel) out for preorder. He's also working on getting the sequel to ajjones's "Temple of the Cod" out for preorder as well. He's also working on getting some book about cancer out (and I thought my book on the shuttle disaster was depressing). Then he'll have to start working on getting the two preorder books out in print. He's still got to finish his part of a book we're cowriting. He's got to revamp the entire CGP. On top of this he has a day job and somewhere between the cracks he has to have some semblance of a life - I'm wondering if he takes a break to go to the bathroom or if he wears an adult diaper while sitting at the computer.
What the media considers news cracks me up. During my month of sobriety I needed a hobby, so I started writing down the stupidest international stories I saw on TV. Keep in mind, these are off HNN/CNN, not the internet.
Goats bring joy to nursing home The lonesome shoe Six-year old left on bus Building a Lego ballpark Man says doctor told him to wear skirt for rash Dog takes out garbage Man sells fake crack to the elderly Butter knife stuck in boy's head Drinking game charges for sitter Dancing with oranges G-string backlash Armed pizza delivery man suspended Balloons swept away priest Cop ticketed by citizen Blind man fights off intruder Hollywood bear kills man 127 hairy men take part in international beard contest 8 foot gator in woman's home Teen uses billboard to ask date to prom
I was watching the news at lunch and all of these experts were talking about the shark attack out in Cali. At one point the assistant fire chief steps up to the mike. They're on a sunny beach responding to a shark attack and this slope-headed, slack-jawed dude is wearing his full bunker gear, complete with his firehat. I look over at my wife and said, "Isn't that nice, the local Walmart greeter also serves as their assistant fire chief." The guy took a piece of paper out of his fifty pound, fire-resistant coat and proceeded to read the the minutes of the call in dull monotone.
Sad thing is, put me in a firefighter's suit and that exactly how my speech turned out two days ago. Maybe I was still nervous about the new baby, but I didn't do worth a crap. It was so bad that when I finished, I actually apologized to the audience.
It was probably no coincidence that I only sold one book.
While waiting on J (we got at the hospital at about 5 o'clock Friday; she didn't have the baby until 12:30 Friday afternoon) I finally finished reading Stephen King's Duma Key. It was great.
One question, though. What in the blue blazes in a pony-trap? I've got this cartoony mental picture of a beartrap painted pink, but I doubt that's it.
John Byron Starr IV 7 pounds, 9 ounces. 18 3/4 inchs.
He's actually a pretty little baby. And this comes from someone who thinks babies and infants are cute, but newborns inevitably look like Winston Churchill. Of course, I am biased.
Still not sure what we're going to call him. Shelly wants Jay. I want J (different spelling or lack thereof). My hardheaded father insists on John. And a nurse nicknamed him Buddy and that stuck for a while. I'm threatening to do like Homer Simpson and call him "the boy".
I'm going to have some pictures set up on my website soon. I'll post again when they're up.
I'm writing Santa's Wrath 2 (real title - Ace Hawkins and Santa's Revenge). In chapter one I've got an Indiana Jones cameo. As per Pete's advise, I'm using the Name Illinois Smith to a avoid copyright trouble (I wanted to call him "Indy" and "Dr Jones" without ever actually using Indiana Jones, but Pete figured that was still too close). He's over 100 years old and retired to house in the Upper Amazon (there's a reason for this, btw). Any ideas to make his character complete? Any minor details that I could bring out on his personality. I've got the hat and the whip hung on the wall (of course), but I need some minor quirks and details to really bring him to life.
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